We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
