I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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