i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize