This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
