Umm I'm too high to move.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
