i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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