Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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