my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
