im having a threesome with these popsicles
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
