I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
