THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
