On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's even glitter on my cock...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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