we're blogging at a bar
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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