i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
