Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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