Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
