oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
