votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
