My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
