pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
