were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
