PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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