You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
