Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
