dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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