Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
