how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
