How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
