And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
