What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize