I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
