do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
