I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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