i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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