In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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