you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
