I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
