I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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