I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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