I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My vagina just clenched in fear
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so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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