i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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