i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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