Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My cat gives me a boner
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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