and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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