I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
only you would photoshop your dick
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
