Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What a dumb baby whore.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
