Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
