she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
