Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My pussy is not your playground.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
