My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
