I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
