ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I deserve this hangover.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
