i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize