dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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