I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.