i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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