If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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