I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
