Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was born a porn star she said
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
