If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
