No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
