i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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