ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
