What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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