Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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