Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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