i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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