Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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