When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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