I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
