Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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