So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
