like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
