This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
