If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
