You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
