best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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